Is it all in my head?

With the marathon just 6 weeks away I'm struggling with training. The furthest I've run so far is 13.5 miles, half way basically. That was the run where my knee pain came back. Since then I've been stretching, foam rollering, icing and gotten new trainers.

I haven't been out for a "long" run since, I've blamed it on working nights, but really it's because I'm scared of the pain. I've been out for a few shorter runs around 7 miles and the knee has been OK, not much niggling and certainly no tear worthy pain.

My heads in a mental battle with myself now though, it's telling me I can't do this, and it's impacting my training, getting out for a run is becoming a battle, and like this morning involving tears. My plan said 12 miles, I knew I could do it & mentally I wanted 15 - perfectly doable. I need to cross the mental block of being over half way.

Today's running conditions weren't perfect - cold, rainy and windy. And I decided to do my usual route backwards- rookie mistake. Someone said to me on twitter that there would be hills in places that I didn't realise and I said no because there was only one big hill and the rest was relatively flat. Oh how wrong I was!! 1 mile in and there was a constant hill for the next 4! Nevertheless I pushed through, although my head wasn't in it and the time on my Garmin wasn't great I just wanted the miles in the legs. With only 6 weeks to go I'm scared.

Around mile 4 my knee started to niggle, I stopped stretched it and carried on, I still had lots of miles to do. I then got to the section of my run (at the top of a hill) that is completely open, and the wind and rain just hit me. And whether its because I'm extremely emotional today or what I cried. I ran till 5 the pain in my knee was getting worse, was it getting worse because there is actually pain there or was it getting worse because I was telling myself I can't run and by having pain its an excuse to stop? At 6 miles I phoned my boyfriend to come and get me.

In my head I've failed at today's run, and I'm having to many runs like that at the moment. I'm petrified that I'm going to fail at the marathon, whether I'm putting to much pressure on myself for a good time or what I don't know. But it's really becoming a mental game; one that I' currently loosing. In my head I'm still the 17st girl who can't run..

I'm home stretched and iced my knee which is feeling better, I just need it to hold out for 6 more weeks. And now it's feeling OK it's making me think that all the pain is psychological?

Do you have any tips/advice for the mental challenge of running a marathon?

xx