There comes a time when you just have to say enough is enough.
This week I have binged far worse than I have in a long time.
Take Friday for example: It was going ok until i got back from the doctors & the gym. I had a bowl of strawberry crunchy cereal (not weighed) with skimmed milk for breakfast. Lunch was fish fingers, lettuce, pickled onions, sundried tomatoes & and a yogurt. Not going to badly until I decided I really was quite emotional & I would cwtch up in my onesie - doesn't mean I needed to eat but I did. Over the course of the afternoon/evening I ate half a bag of those German biscuits you get at Christmas, half a pack of milk chocolate digestives, 4 chocolates off my tree, 3 satsumas and a plum. I then decided it was dinner time so had spinach & ricotta cannelloni with salad. I wasn't in the slightest bit hungry but psychologically my mind was telling me it was dinner time I needed to make a meal.
I'm feeling the effects of eating like this - I'm tired, bloated, hating what I see in the mirror because I know this is not how good my body has looked. I haven't even stepped on the scales because I think the damage I've done would send me over the edge.
And the reason for all of this? Being completely an utterly heartbroken. Men (sorry to those of you who are reading it!!) are really not worth it sometimes! Being in love with the wrong person for the last 18 months of my life; knowing because of the circumstances it wasn't going anywhere and ending it 3 weeks ago has completely and utterly broken me. Stressful details which I can't go into on here have not made it easy and my inner fat girl has turned to food.
Well today - after a fabulous day out with one of my best friends (thanks Bron). I've laughed so hard today until I've cried too many times to count that I realise there is only so long I can mope around for. I can't let one person ruin my hard work, and make me feel worthless for any longer.
This is my line drawn and tomorrow I am back 100% on the wagon. I mean I have a half marathon to run in 9 weeks and currently 5k is killing me!! It may be hard as its Christmas to be motivated but I've come so far I'm not losing where I'm going.
It just goes to show all you need around you is some amazing friends & family and you really can get through anything.
I'm quite proud of admitting this to you guys (if anyone is actually reading) I don't think I've ever admitted one of my big binges like this - the shame is just too much! But getting it all out there makes everything a lot better.
I apologise if this is just rambling I was only going to plan this post until it all started flowing out! Writing from the heart is often best!!
Here's to a good week & roll on 2013!
Love as always