I'm struggling.

Those two words are the hardest to admit; apart from "I'm wrong". But you know what there is no way to hide it any more but I'm struggling.
Out on my run today I was thinking, a lot, and I actually cried whilst running which is a little sad in itself!
I came up with the following things:

Why do I want to lose weight?
- too feel better about myself
- to be healthy
- to look in the mirror and like what I see
- to be a stronger runner

Benefits I've had of loosing weight
- I began to love myself
-I started to like what I saw in the mirror
- I actually started to enjoy exercise
-I made people proud

Why am I struggling?
- I feel like a failure after putting on 1 stone
- I'm living between my parents & my boyfriends & not having my own place is taking it's toll on me
- Being stressed in other aspects of my life makes me comfort eat
-I feel like I've gone backwards with my running
-I'm happy in my relationship

Why I run?
-"Me time"
- Something to focus on & work towards
- Inspires people

How far have I come?
- 16st 12.5lbs down to 11st 6lbs
-2 x half marathons
-I've been in a blinking magazine

What do I need to do?
-Appreciate the support I have around me, each & everyone of you is amazing
-Take 1 day at a time
-Run 3 times a week; even if it's only a couple of miles
-Learn to love myself again


At my lowest weight I was 10t 6lbs. 6lbs away from my goal weight, and one day I will get there. Just maybe not as soon as I was hoping for initially But what I realised is how happy I was when I lost that weight, I started to enjoy what I was wearing, and looking in the mirror at what I saw. At the moment I hate it and I'm quite glad my boyfriend doesn't own a full length mirror at his place because it means I don't have to purposely avoid it.

I just want you all to know we all struggle from time to time, we all have fall backs, but admitting you have and admitting you need support is the first step forward.

So here's my first step!

xxxxx

Stuck in a rut.

So I haven't blogged in months, and to be completely honest I haven't been losing weight with. I anything I've put it on. At one point I was within 5lbs of goal. Now I'm about a stone that's a massive 14lbs above goal. I feel as if I'm about 60lbs from goal- bloated, fat and hate looking in the mirror at myself.

Which is weird as every aspect of my life s going really well - I've just got a promotion at work, my relationship with my boyfriend makes me happier than I have been in months, and makes me wonder why I put up barriers for so long.

So why do I hate looking in the mirror? One theory is that my weight gain and struggle to get the weight off again is because I've had the implant fitted and one of the side effects is weight gain. Have you ever had an issue with this?
The other theory is that life is getting in the way, I shouldn't use this as an excuse. My boyfriend is completely supportive of weight watchers, I have a gym membership, I work shifts so can exercise. Which means its me being lazy. Which is probably the case. When I first started weight watchers I had the drive and enthusiasm to lose it, I still have that niggling in the back of my head, somewhere. But I never imagined that I'd be in the 10stone range, wearing size 10-12's. I sometimes think I'm comfortable here, knowing I've still got a bit to lose but I'm not unhealthy. Because getting to goal scares the sh*t out of me. I've worked for 3+ years to get there, what do I do when I get there?

I guess I need a kick up the ass, someone to relight my ignition, for my enthusiasm to return. It's not like I don't want to lose this last stone, it's on my mind every single day. I don't want to let people who have supported me down, and I don't want to let myself down.

Do you have any tips for kicking yourself up the bum to getting back on track?

Ideally I'd love to go back to meetings, but with shifts at work that's not the right option for me right now, which means online is the way forward. Unless I consider a different plan?
Apologies that this post is a bit long winded and not very structured I just needed to get this off my chest. Admit that I'm struggling to shift this weight and that help would be greatly appreciated.







Lots of love xx

A picture speaks a thousand words

Three years ago to this very day I walked into my weight watchers meeting. Stepping on those scales at 16st 12.5 was absolutely mortifying.
I was 18, a first year university student and should have been having the time of my life, don't get me wrong I was, but my weight was holding my back.

3 years on I weight 10st 10lbs, have a heaps more confidence and I'm learning to love who I am.

These three years have taught me it's not all about the number on the scale, it's about the psychological aspect, getting fit, changing your life style habits, surrounding yourself with amazing friends and family.

It hasn't been easy, if I said it had I'd be lying. There's been times I've wanted to throw in the towel, not track my food and just wish I was naturally healthy. But we all know if you want something you've got to work for it. And it's times like these where my fabulous friends and family have been there to remind me just how far I've come. Plus I'm to stubborn to give up! So a massive thank you to everyone, you really are amazing to me and don't know how much I appreciate your support <3 p="">
I think it's safe to say I'm a completely different person to who walked into that school hall 3 years ago.  One of the main things I'm coming to terms with if loving my body, I've worked damn hard for this and yes so I may have loose skin but I can change that. Yes I may have stretch marks, but there a part of who I was, they remind me of where I've come from & where I'm never, ever going back to.

                                                         (cannot believe I've just posted this online: but love your body. You earnt it!)

 I can't believe these photo's are the same person.

 It's hard and it's a struggle, but it's worth it. And to anyone out there who's embarking on their own weight loss journey. Remember to do it for you because you deserve it & you are worth it.

Love as always
xxxx

Life's to short to spend another day at war with yourself.

I haven't blogged in a while, and maybe that's directly related to the fact I haven't lost any weight lately either. I haven't put any on either which must be a good thing. But I just feel like a totally crappy weight watcher sometimes.

This all came to a head yesterday, and thanks to my wonderful friends, family and twitter followers I am now back focused, somewhat a little more proud of where I've come from and ready to face the week and get closer to goal. Again.

Next week, 17th May, will mark my 3 year anniversary with Weight Watchers. I can't believe it's almost 3 years ago I walked into that school hall and stepped on the scales for the very first time. I could not imagine how much my life has changed since that day. I remember it like it was yesterday, walking into my flat mates room and telling her I would be home late from work because I was joining weight watchers, no explanation, probably because I was shitting it about telling people. But I got back and all of my friends were amazingly supportive.

Since then I've lost 6 stone 1 lbs. But the number on the scales isn't everything. And this is something I struggle getting my head around, and I'm sure a lot of you can relate to. When we start this journey along with getting healthy, and losing weight the main aim is to see that goal number on the scales. And for most of the journey that is what we work for. That number.

Along the way, we realise that, that isn't the end moment, we need to enjoy the journey along the way, appreciate what we have achieved, and continue to achieve before we see that number on the scale.

There may be moments where you just want to give up, and to be honest I think the closer to goal I get the more often they become. I sometimes think getting to goal is a just a dream; but one day ; it will happen.

I'm 11 lbs from goal, and it may take me another 6 months or so to get there but the things I have achieved in the last 3 years out weigh the length of time it's taken me to get there.

I've gone from a size 22 to a size 10-12
I've run 2 half marathons, the 2nd one knocking 9 minutes off my first time
I've run a sub 1 hour 10K
I've been featured in a magazine for my
weight loss
I've been posted on the Weight Watchers Facebook page getting over 1800 likes
I've met some wonderful people I'm proud to call my friends along the way thanks to twitter & Facebook
I've graduated from university
I've applied to run a marathon in 2014

And the happiness of these achievements sure as hell outweighs the fact that the scales don't read my goal weight. But they sure as hell don't read 16st 12.5 which they did 3 years ago.

I've changed so much as a person not only physically, I like to think I've grown up (sometimes) become more aware of others and who I am.

A good friend said to me yesterday " One day at a time, but not necessarily every day in a row" And it could  not be more true. We are all human, we are all going to slip up, life gets in the way, but getting back up and trying again is what makes us strong. It's also so easy to focus on the negative stuff (another friend pointed this out to me) and sometimes we need to stop, and take account of what we've actually achieved.

The fact that people see me as an inspiration is amazing, and I will continue on this journey, not only for myself, but to continue inspiring those around me.

The support from everyone that I get is incredible, and I cannot thank you enough. You probably don't realise just how much it means.

Lots of love
xxxx

The big 6.

Some people ask me how long have I been doing Weight Watchers and I often get embarrased that it's taken me almost 3 years to get where I am. You read stories about how people loose 7 stone in a year. And yet here I am almost 3 years down the line. But I've realised lately that this is your own journey, we all have our own hiccups, challenges in life and difficulties to over come. So does it really matter that it's taken me this long? No. I've still lost the weight, and this way I know it won't be coming back. At least with plateaus lasting 6 months I know I can maintain ;)

And this week I lost 3lbs. Meaning I've finally hit the big 6 stone mark! This has been a long time coming, I've been teetering on the edge of it for about 8 months. But plateaus make this journey what it is. You just have to remember when it gets tough why you are doing it. For the first time ever I cried on the scales yesterday. I was so proud of myself.



I'd just like to save a massive thank you to you all for your comments on Facebook, Twitter, Instgram etc. They really do put a smile on my face and keep me going. One of the best things about this weight loss journey is inspiring and motivating others.

One of my friends from twitter, Paul has recently started Filling and Healthy days. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, and he seems to be getting on great with it. I'm still a bit dubious though; do I have the willpower to stop eating when I'm full? do I have the ability not to count?

I'm quite anal and actually enjoy tracking and counting my points, but can I do this forever? Is it realistic when I get to goal and maintaining my weight to still write down everything that passes my lips? I really don't know.

Do you have any tips or ideas about Filling & Healthy days with Weight Watchers? I'd greatly appreciate them :)

Here's a quick before & current photo for you. 85lbs down :)




Lots of love
Elle:)
xxx

Trying something new.

This week I've been experimenting a bit more with making the most of my Weightwatchers points.

Almonds & almond milk have now become a staple part of my day. Almonds are quite high in Weightwatchers points but I've been reading about the "good" fats in them. There yummy with some fruit & natural yogurt for breakfast.

I've also seen on a few blogs recently about cauliflower "rice". Now Weightwatcher folks among us this sounds fab - 0propoints. So I thought I'd give it a go.

I made a turkey tikka masala.

For the curry:
86g turkey breast
1/3 white onion
4 mushrooms
1/3 red pepper
30g chickpeas
30g cannelloni beans
1/3 tin chopped tomatoes
40g pataks tikka paste

I dry fried all of the ingredients (apart from the paste & tomatoes)in a saucepan. Once the turkey was cooked through I added the paste and tomatoes and allowed to cook through.

For the cauliflower rice:
1/2 cauliflower
Paprika - I added this for flavour but you could have it plain.

Whiz up the cauliflower in a food processor - I also read grating it with a cheese grater gets the same effect.
I sprayed a couple of sprays of frylight an added the cauliflower. And cooked for about 5 minutes.

I served it with a mini naan bread for the full Indian feel. For a total of 10 propoints.

And this was the finished product. Yummy.

I won't lie - its not exactly got the stodginess of rice and the first few mouthfuls were a bit daunting but I got used to it & it's a good substitute to rice, and one that I'll definatly be cooking again.

A new personal best

Yesterday I ran the Bath Half Marathon. I was excited/nervous before starting.

Was I going to be able to finish? How much was it going to hurt? Could I push myself?

I started the day with an energy breakfast of porridge; made with almond milk; with some natural yogurt honey and almonds on top. Orange juice with a bowl of bananas and blueberries.

I made the way to the station as I was getting the train to Bath with 2 friends and meeting my friend who I was running with there. Unfortunately due to my mum being ill, her and my dad couldn't make it:( I knew this was going to make it harder not having so many people dotted around the course to support me.

I got to the running village, it was bloody freezing! I'd brought an old hoody with me to ditch at the start line thankfully. I went to the charity tent to see the Meningitis Research Foundation who told me they had chocolate bars waiting for me afterwards!! YUM!

Waiting to start always seems like a lifetime...you just want to get going and the minutes seem to drag by. My friend and her dad who I was running it with agreed that we would all start together but if I wanted to go on then I should. I was worried about this, I knew I'd hit a pain barrier at some point and if I was on my own would I be able to push myself?

At around the 1 mile marker I went off ahead. I was careful not to start off too strong and suffer later. I felt in good shape and it was a nice course. It was a 2 lap route which worried me, after I'd done it once I knew I'd have to do it all again!! And after the first hill that concerned me - but I didn't stop. My legs were feeling good and I was feeling strong. At mile 4 the elite runners lapped us - they really do run fast!!

At the 10k marker there was a clock - it said 1:02. I knew I must have been doing well for time; but I didn't know how long it took me to cross the start line. That gave me a boost though. I really wanted to beat my 2:19 time and at this pace I could. I just knew there was a pain barrier to come.

Lap one done and I was heading back up the hill - it hurt - I had to walk for a little bit to catch my breathe, only for a minute or 2 then I was off again. It was around the 8 mile point and I heard " Go Elle" it was my wonderful friends who'd stood out in the cold to support me! Just the boost I needed. That kept me going for the next couple of miles. Miles 8-10 sort of went by with a blur. Then the pain barrier came, I needed to push myself. I grabbed a lucozade from the stand at the side of the road for a boost and a lady said we're nearly there now and we ran together for the next mile and a half. Mile 11 - 12 I knew was always going to be the hardest. And boy it was. And pushing myself I found difficult. There was times I wanted to cry, but I pushed through. The crowds were starting to pick up the closer to the finish I was getting. It is so true what they say the crowd really does carry you the last mile. Mile 12 and my legs were in pieces I knew I didn't have far to go I could do it. It must have been about mile 12.5 and I honestly thought my legs were going to give up on me. Then a guy to my right tapped me on the shoulder and said we're nearly at the finish lets do this, and we ran to the finish together. Bless him, there really are some lovely people out there!

The clock said 2:16. I'd beaten 2:19 by a good few minutes. I was in agony & so emotional! I rang my mum to tell her and was almost in tears I was so proud. Rang my friends to meet them back at the big boob coppafeel tent! Grabbed my medal and a photo and went back to have my photo taken by the Meningitis Research Foundation & got a well deserved mars bar. I ate 2 chocolate bars within about 10 minutes of finishing.

We waited around a bit for my friend and her dad to finish, got some photos and then headed off for some food! We walked / hobbled around Bath for a bit before deciding everywhere had a ridiculously long wait on food so we got the train back to Bristol and went to Coal.

Whilst we were there I checked my official time. 2:10:22. I could have cried & just wanted to shout it from the roof tops. I was so damn proud of myself!

My legs are in pieces today and I ache in places I didn't even know possible. But it's given me some food for thought. I have signed up for 2 more half marathons so far this year. The Great North Run in September & Cardiff Half in October. Could I possibly run a sub 2 hour by the end of the year? I'm going to give it a damn good go!!! Watch this space!!

A massive thank you to you all for your tweets, facebook messages, texts and phonecalls wishing me good luck. And to all of you that have sponsored, Thank you. The Meningitis Research Foundation is a cause close to my heart and such a worthy cause. There is still time to sponsor if you want to over at my just giving page here. Thinking about them really did keep me going; I didn't want to let you guys down!

Here are some photo's from the day:)

Much love :)
xxxx

Doubt - don't let who you think you are keep you from being all that you can.

Why is it we always doubt our own ability to do something?
We can so easily have faith in others but when that comes to yourself it's so difficult.
For me I often wonder if I will ever get to goal - I mean can I actually do it?
More recently its doubting my ability to run Bath Half marathon on Sunday. It's totally unrealistic - I've run Bristol, I can finish. I've done a the right training for Bath, so im in *good* shape for it. I have amazing friends and family who have sponsored me & are coming down to watch so why so i feel so scared?! I need to have the confidence in my ability to do something I never could.
I don't know whether its because I want to beat my time I'm putting pressure on myself. But at the beginning of the week I was so EXCITED now however I am shitting it!
But you know what - I know it's going to hurt, I know I'm going to have low points but I will finish!

I'll see you at the finish line!
Lots of love
Xxxx

A peak into my food diary.

What I love about Weight Watchers is that it has taught me to take the time out to prepare meals, and think about what is going in them.

This week I have eaten lots of nice things; discovering cottage cheese for one, I've had it for lunch for the past 4 days - I might be a little bit addicted! It's so low in points and yummy! And you can get it with lots of different flavors - a favourite of mine is with onion & chive. I've been having it with tuna salad for work. Fabulously low in points!

Another point saver I have found this week to curb those afternoon sweet tooth cravings is sugar free jelly! Why I haven't thought of this before I will never know. But it's great especially in the late afternoon in work.

One of my favourite meals I've cooked this week (I've actually made it 3 times!!) is Thai red curry. Thai food is notoriously high in points because of the coconut milk. But it is possible to make is quite low in points.

Recipe 

This serves 1. But you could adapt it to however many you are cooking for.
Propoints - 8.

1/3 can coconut milk light
Red thai paste - I used Sainsburys own
Onion
Mushroom
Babycorn
Greenbeans
Broccoli
Red pepper
Courgette
40g (dried) wholegrain brown basmati rice (or whatever rice you fancy)
you can put in what ever veg you like!

Put the rice on to boil - I tend to do this about 5 minutes before I start the curry so it's all ready at the same time.
Put the paste in a sauce pan and add the coconut milk.
Allow this to warm and then add the veg - if you wanted to increase the propoints you could add some chicken or prawns works well.
Allow this to cook through for about 15 minutes.
And this is what my finished result looked like:

And tasted utterly scrumptious!!

If you follow me on twitter or instagram you've probably already seen these as I've gone a bit crazy lately with posting what I'm eating.

This week had been really good on track wise until last night and the wine kept on flowing, I'm also out for an Indian tonight - although I've pre ordered what I'm having; Prawn Saag & Pilau Rice 28 points. It means I've used some of my activity points this week but hopefully WI on Tuesday will be OK.

I did do my last long run on Wednesday before the Bath Half Marathon next Sunday!! The 10 miles on Wednesday were hard, but I pushed through and felt good afterwards! I'm running for The Meningitis Research Foundation if you want to take a look at my just giving page it can be found  here.

Hope you are all having good weeks & enjoying your weekends!

Lots of love

xxxxxx

Enjoy running?

Yesterday whilst talking to someone about my upcoming half marathon they asked me if I enjoyed running.

Now this got me thinking. Most days I have to talk myself into going running; an that talk usually takes me a while. Sometimes the little voice in my head telling me I can't run wins, but most of the time the one telling me that it'll be a good idea wins.

Which has made me think I don't necessarily enjoy running - but I do love and enjoy what it gives me.
As well as the obvious gaining exercise points, it tones my legs, gives me more energy, de stresses me as we'll as a whole host of other health benefits.

But most of all it gives me a sense of achievement - I've never been good at anything; and to some I may not be good at running; but I try- I've run a half marathon and will be running another 4 this year. I go out and run even when I don't want to. But crossing that finish line has got me hooked onto that sense of achievement and satisfaction.

So if there's any one out there who's thinking of starting to run I'd recommend it :)

As a treat after weigh in today - of which I lost 2.5lbs I treated myself to some new running gear. Better than food :)

Love as always
Xxxx

Weigh in one - stronger than ever.

So weigh in on Tuesday was a massive shock - a good shock - I actually got on and off the scales a good few times before I believed what I saw. I'd lost 7.7 lbs!!! I didn't even know that was possible. 
It also shows my head is more in the game than it has been in a long while, I've wanted to be on plan and I've loved being on track which has resulted in this weight loss!!
I'm now back to just 3lbs above what I was at my lowest before I went AWOL.

I've also got an impending half marathon coming up, in just 3 weeks time to be exact so running should be high on my agenda... but it's not. I'm running about twice a week....distance wise I know I can do it. But it would be better if I was a lot stronger, an I know I was in a bit better shape for my last half. Either way I'll be doing it even if it kills me. Today I had been telling myself all day in work I had to run, I was not going to talk myself out of it. 

I got home, sat down and found myself trying to talk myself out of it. So I went on good old Instagram for some motivation, chucked on my running gear and got out the front door. Ended up having one of my strongest runs for a while. I ran the whole 4.1 miles and for the first time didn't feel like I was going to die! 

This week is going well on track so far, I did succumb to the vending machine in work on Tuesday. I could blame the fact I was ill, tired and having a shit day, but you know sometime you just need chocolate. And that is what is so fabulous about WeightWatchers and weekly points as some lovely friends pointed out on twitter; that is what they are there for. For life to be lived & to eat chocolate if you want it. And boy was the twix worth every single 8 propoints!!!

Love as always

xxxxxx

Week 1 - fully back on the wagon.

This week I've got to say I've fully embraced the plan, more so than I ever have. When I rejoined last week a friend of mine said to me that I seemed more confident than before hand, and I think that's true. The last 6 months or so there has been so much going on in my life that it's been hard to gain focus on my weight.

I'm pretty proud that this week I've pointed and weighed everything that crossed my lips. Haven't deprived myself one little bit. I've been out for dinner twice with friends. The difference this time is that I looked at the menu before hand giving myself a couple of lower pointed choices than I would normally have gone for.

I've also tried changing up my foods a little bit; I tried sweet potato for the first time - how have I not discovered this before?!!

I also realised planning is key. There were many times this week when I was tired after work and just wanted to go to bed knowing I wouldn't get up that extra little bit early in the morning to make breakfast and lunch for work; which would have resulted in me getting a high propoints lunch from work. But I made the effort to make breakfast and lunch for work the night before. Fingers crossed it pays off.

Here's a couple of snippets of my week in pictures.
I would be a lot more excited for WI tomorrow if I wasn't curled up on the sofa in crippling pain with what I suspect is a kidney infection...roll on having to pay £7 for a prescription tomorrow!

 
I re-organised my fridge...what a difference it makes.

Tried stuffed peppers for the first time. Yummy

I even weighed my cream and chocolate buttons for my hot chocolate....weightwatchters angel and all that!

Dinner at Wagamamas...it's what weeklies are for!

Ensuring I was prepared for work was key this week.

I even squeezed in a night out this week. Although I dedicated myself as driver so a) I didn't waste points on alcohol and b) so I could get up and run the day after.

And I pushed out a 7.7 mile run....I definatley wouldn't have done that if I'd drunk!



And this is how the week has ended. 27 propoints for day 7. 4 weeklies remaining. 9 activity points earned for the week.

Here's to WI tomorrow....


Lots of love
xxxx