Friday, 25 January 2013

Losing weight isn't just a physical thing.

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys, I haven't stepped on the scales since the 1st January; not because I know it's going to be bad - I sort of know by the way I feel I'm around the 11st 4lbs I was then - my clothes arn't too tight and I don't feel "heavy". But I became so obsessive over losing weight; this last stone - which has been the last stone for about 5 months has been the hardest of them all. It got to the stage where everything I'd eat....even fruit & veg and all that goodness I'd be worrying.

I needed to take time out from it all; this coincided with my head not being in the right place either. Losing weight is not simply about the number on the scale; or your clothes size decreasing - it is such a psychological thing. I'm not sure whether it's because I'm slowly learning to like my body - the body that I have created - or whether I'm more aware of it now than when I was almost 17 st but I think about it all the time; and it seems like it gets me down way more than the old body did. I know it shouldn't but when I look in the mirror I don't see a size 12 person; I see the size 22 old me; and this seems to be getting worse the closer to goal I get. I mean yes I've lost 84 lbs and I know we'll always have flaws but the worse thing that gets me down is the lose skin. This is getting better thanks to my Jillian Michaels workouts; and I know it won't happen over night, and it takes time to get better, but the thought of anyone else seeing me like this scares me.

I mean I used to look at my friends who have always been slim thinking that a size 12 was tiny; and impossible to achieve, I never thought I'd see the day where my wardrobe would consist of size 10-12's and I could borrow my friends clothes. And I still don't believe that I'm an actual size 12.

Today for example I wore some uniform to work - it was a size 18 and literally like a dress on me. Why do I even still have this in my wardrobe? It is somewhere I don't want to go back to.

This is turning into me just waffling on. Any way what I'm trying to say is taking this 3 weeks out; I haven't binged or anything - I've been making wise choices, and exercising. But I'm trying to not to focus on the scale. I've decided come 1st Feb I will weigh and take my measurements, and hopefully by then I will be back in the right mindset to start tracking and get fully back on the wagon. I mean I've lost 84 lbs surely I can kick butt and lose these last pesky 13lbs!!

"you haven't failed until you quit trying" and I sure as hell haven't given up yet!!!





Love as always
xxxxxx

3 comments:

  1. Keep going lovely.
    You WILL get there x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Its all about finding whats works for you. As long as you feel okay and know you have been sensible then its okay to take a break. Maybe I need to try the same.
    I hope you manage to get yourself sorted. If you want a good workout for toning yourself up, go to youtube and look up insanity. My gym has just started doing it and I'm not fit enough to do it yet but you might be :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are so right not to become obsessed with the scales. It's more about how you feel, eating healthily & exercise as well as making the right choices. The rest will come.
    Would love you to check out my latest outfit post :)
    Have a fab weekend Hun xoxo
    http://www.intotheblonde.com/

    ReplyDelete