Goodbye 2012 .....2013 I'm ready for you!!

With New Year literally around the corner, I thought it would be a good chance to look back on 2012. A year that has been life changing for me in more ways than one. And a chance to write down things I'm excited about in 2013. I'm not one for new years resolutions but there are things I'm excited for!

There are many things I'm proud of myself this year for achieving:
One being; reaching 80lbs lost and nearing my target of reaching goal.

Joining weight watchers honestly changed my life; and this year I learnt that this journey is not only about losing weight & inches; although that is a massive part of it. It's about becoming more comfortable in myself, and becoming a better person. I don't think I was a bad person before but I think by becoming more outgoing and confident it has allowed me to develop as person. 

Another thing I'm proud of in 2012 is graduating from university with a 2:2. I now have letters after my name! How cool is that?! 

A third thing that is probably one of my best achievements of the year is running, and completing Bristol Half Marathon, under my target time of 2 hours 20! I came in at 2:19:41!!! 

There are also other things such as moving into a flat with my best friend, getting a full time job, turning 21, becoming an Aunty for the 2nd time and Hackney Weekend as well as countless nights out with my fabulous friends that have made 2012 unforgettable.

As with most things though I'm looking forward to turning my back on 2012 for some reasons as well. Recently ones that I have realised I shouldn't have wasted my time on. But I'm a great believer in no regrets and that every thing happens for a reason. Everything is a lesson to learn from and the last few months of drama have taught me that not only do I deserve more than people give me; I need to believe in myself more and just enjoy life! 

2013 has lots of exciting things for me: I've got Bath Half Marathon in March as well as Bristol Half Marathon again in September, there's a few potential holidays in the pipeline, hopefully getting to goal - as well as becoming fitter as a person. I've learnt lately that the number on the scales isn't everything but it's about being able to love the body I've achieved. And what ever 2013 gives me I'm sure it'll be exciting and wonderful! 

Do you have anything your proud of over the last year or excited for in 2013?

So Happy New Year to you all:) 

Love as always

Elle xxxx

The guilt of eating.

Have you ever eaten something then instantly regretted it? Or regretted it before you'd even eaten it?
Today I had EXACTLY that.

I'd been Christmas shopping and I'd had cravings for McDonalds all morning. I wasn't going to have one because I felt guilty about having not been 100% on track lately, this wouldn't be good. Yet I found myself at the drive through ordering a Chicken Legend Meal. 1083 calories. But you know what it was damn tasty!!

I'm sat here confessing this to you all, because you know what. It is OK to have slips ups, this is the thing about eating healthily to lose weight rather than being on a diet; you can eat what you want.

The reason I feel so guilty is because I know right from wrong, what is good for me and what isn't. I know that I could have eaten those 1000 odd calories in a much better way for my body; but you know what those cravings weren't going to go away and I probably would have eaten them through chocolate or something else equally as bad for me so in a way curing the cravings was the best thing to do.

This journey has taught me a lot both physically, mentally & psychologically and when I'm not 100% on track the thing that I fear most is letting people down. I have always had bucket fulls of support throughout my journey  through friends, family, Twitter, Facebook & blogging. You can guarantee that there will be someone always there to say exactly what you need to hear at that time to get you back on track. It's like when I tweeted & facebooked this picture a few nights ago; the support was overwhelming and it's not that I am doing this for other people. I can honestly say I'm doing it for me; whether those reasons be to be healthier; to be able to fit into smaller clothes & shop in "normal" shops; this is for me. But everyone has always been so encouraging; the thought of those people being disappointed in me scares me.
I'm sure know one will actually be disappointed in me for eating a McDonalds but I still have that guilt!!


So that's my confession for the day and now I'm going to continue bleaching my flat - it's actually rather therapeutic!

Love as always
Elle
xxxx

Laid bare: enough is enough!

There comes a time when you just have to say enough is enough.
This week I have binged far worse than I have in a long time.
Take Friday for example: It was going ok until i got back from the doctors & the gym. I had a bowl of strawberry crunchy cereal (not weighed) with skimmed milk for breakfast. Lunch was fish fingers, lettuce, pickled onions, sundried tomatoes & and a yogurt. Not going to badly until I decided I really was quite emotional & I would cwtch up in my onesie - doesn't mean I needed to eat but I did. Over the course of the afternoon/evening I ate half a bag of those German biscuits you get at Christmas, half a pack of milk chocolate digestives, 4 chocolates off my tree, 3 satsumas and a plum. I then decided it was dinner time so had spinach & ricotta cannelloni with salad. I wasn't in the slightest bit hungry but psychologically my mind was telling me it was dinner time I needed to make a meal.
I'm feeling the effects of eating like this - I'm tired, bloated, hating what I see in the mirror because I know this is not how good my body has looked. I haven't even stepped on the scales because I think the damage I've done would send me over the edge.
And the reason for all of this? Being completely an utterly heartbroken. Men (sorry to those of you who are reading it!!) are really not worth it sometimes! Being in love with the wrong person for the last 18 months of my life; knowing because of the circumstances it wasn't going anywhere and ending it 3 weeks ago has completely and utterly broken me. Stressful details which I can't go into on here have not made it easy and my inner fat girl has turned to food.

Well today - after a fabulous day out with one of my best friends (thanks Bron). I've laughed so hard today until I've cried too many times to count that I realise there is only so long I can mope around for. I can't let one person ruin my hard work, and make me feel worthless for any longer.

This is my line drawn and tomorrow I am back 100% on the wagon. I mean I have a half marathon to run in 9 weeks and currently 5k is killing me!! It may be hard as its Christmas to be motivated but I've come so far I'm not losing where I'm going.

It just goes to show all you need around you is some amazing friends & family and you really can get through anything.

I'm quite proud of admitting this to you guys (if anyone is actually reading) I don't think I've ever admitted one of my big binges like this - the shame is just too much! But getting it all out there makes everything a lot better.

I apologise if this is just rambling I was only going to plan this post until it all started flowing out! Writing from the heart is often best!!

Here's to a good week & roll on 2013!

Love as always
Elinor xxxx

The problem is we focus too much on how far we have to go, rather than how far we have come"

Last week at weigh in I stayed the same, tomorrow I am fully expecting a gain - but you know what - I've had a damn good couple of days and I'm back on track already. 

With recent events in my life (I can't go into too much detail on here, as with the wonders of the internet you don't always know who is reading; and quite frankly I don't want to get beaten up!) it has made me think a lot; about who am; what I'm doing with my life; my weight loss; my exercise; everything you name it I've had far too many deep thoughts about it lately.

As you all know I've been really struggling with my exercise lately. And thanks to the wonderful Lauren over at A little less of Lauren who wrote the brave post Love the skin you're in I went back to the gym. For those of you who haven't read Lauren's blog; you need to! Reading this post it was like I was reading about myself, knowing that I'm not the only on who has the crazy thoughts about how I look & how others see myself but it was also the kick up the ass I needed. Lauren has lost over 100lbs through hard work & dedication. And in order for me to get to goal I needed to get off my ass and back in the gym! So that is exactly what I did. I'm still not comfortable looking in the mirror and I take my hat off to Lauren for posting those photos -you are an inspiration my lovely- but after reading that post I know I will in time become more comfortable and proud of what I have achieved.

 "The problem is we focus too much on how far we have to go rather than how far we have come" 

This quote could not be truer for me right now.

And you know what? Going back to the gym - it really wasn't as terrifying as I imagined. Ok so the 5k run almost killed me; but I've run a half marathon; I know I can do it. I just need to build myself back up and I will get there.But I am proud of myself for breaking that barrier and going back. Not only is it helping me in terms of my weight loss but exercise is such a good de-stresser and gives me time to focus on myself. As selfish as that sounds; sometimes some "me time" is just what you need.

When I first started losing weight I honestly thought there would be an end date; I always imagined it would be the day I got to goal. The more I lose weight and discover more about myself and get closer to goal; I realise that there is no end date but a journey which allows us to change physically, mentally & emotionally; and all for the better. I can honestly say I'm a better person than I was before and can only hope that I continue to get better; as well as more comfortable with myself. 

Love as always
Elinor
xxxx

"Stressed is desserts spelt backwards"

So this week has been rather challenging, both emotionally and in terms of staying on track. I've tracked everything I've eaten but I'd be lying if I said I'd been an angel this week. The total opposite; over the weekend I sort of ate everything in sight rather than crying. Not ideal.

This sort of explains my week.

So this morning I was dreading weigh in. But I was pleasantly surprised with just a 1 lb gain. Admittedly I was a bit upset as I was just half a lb away from that big 6 stone. But I will get there. Looking at graphs like this shows just how far I have come.

It just shows that this journey is not all plain sailing but I have come so far and 1 lb isn't that much in the grand scheme of things. 

In term of my Where Are My Knees? ten week pledge I am now at 5.5 lbs lost with 4 weeks to go till the big day. Hoping I can loose 1 lb a week till then which will allow me to reach my ten week pledge goal, crack the 6 stone barrier and put me at a weight of 10st 10lbs. All these little goals give me something to focus on. 

Something else I am also proud of is tracking for 30 days straight with My FitnessPal. I can't remember the last time I stayed tracking for this long. 

The exercise is still slacking, well actually none existent. But it will come in time. I know how much better it makes me feel but when you haven't been for so long it's hard to break down the barriers and thoughts such as "oh well everyone will be looking at the fat girl in the gym". Hard to believe that I still see myself as the fat girl, let alone that people actually stare at others in the gym when I know this isn't true. Any tips on how to break this cycle would be much appreciated :)

Lots of Love
Elle
xxx

December Challenge

For those who follow me on twitter you'll know that a while back I asked for some exercises as I was going to create an "exercise advent calender". This year I thought I'd do something different as well as having my chocolate calender, I would do something that would keep me on track. 

As I've been struggling with exercise lately I thought this would be the perfect thing to do. I've thought up 25 (yes even one for Christmas Day!) exercises, or things to do like attend a different exercise class. (I'll post the full list at the bottom of this post for those of you who are interested!) 

I bought this lovely advent calender from a little Christmas shop back home:

I've then got 25 little cards with different challenges on & have also written little quotes on the back as a bit of motivation. I'm hoping this will keep me focused over Christmas, and also help me get back into the exercise routine - especially as it's only 13 weeks till my next half marathon and I haven't run in over 3 weeks!!














The pictures aren't very good but the one on the left is all of the challenges and on the right is the quotes I've written I've cut them out and turned them over and muddled them all up to put into the advent calender so I don't know what challenge is on what day. 

My housemate has also agreed to do the challenge with my so we can keep each other motivated. I'm actually quite excited to get it started now.

Here's the calender in place on my fire:

Does any one else think they might do something to keep themselves on track over Christmas?

The list of challenges I have got over the 25 days are:  (they have all been mixed up -I just like lists!)

1. 3 x 20 Tricep Dips
2. 2 x 10 Burpees
3. Attend an exercise class this week
4. 3 x 20 Bent over rows
5. 3 x 20 leg raises
6. 4 x 25 sit ups
7. 3 x 20 Reverse bridge dips
8. 4 x 25 Overhead Press
9. 4 x 25 Front Lunges
10. 4 x 25 Side Lunges
11. 4 x 25 Jumping Jacks
12. 2 x 10 Mountain Climbers
13.3 x 20 Cross over crunches
14. 4 x 25 Squats
15. 5 K run
16. 4 x 25 Push ups
17. 10 K cycle ride
18. 500m on the rowing machine
19. 4 x 20 Bicep curls
20. 3 x 20 Lateral Rasies
21. 3 x 20 Shoulder press
22. 5 K run
23. 4 x 25 sit ups
24. 2 x 10 Burpees
25. 4 x 25 Push ups

Hope you all have had lovely weekend.
Lots of love
Elle xx

The 10's!!!

After weigh in last week I was really motivated to have another good week in order to get into the 10 stone bracket. Something I never thought would be possible.

I've had an OK week, something I am really proud of is I haven't eaten my emotions. With the drama still continuing it would have been so easy to eat my way through plenty of galaxy and crisps to sink a ship, but I've stayed strong and haven't. I did go out on Saturday night, had one too many vodka's and got a burger on the way home. But even my hangover day on Sunday I reined it in and didn't binge. Probably had something to do with the fact I was working all day so didn't have chance to!!

So I am pleased to announce that this week I lost 1lb. Taking me to 10st 13lbs and just half a lb away from the big 6 stone lost! This is a milestone for me as I have something very exciting in the pipeline for when I get to 6 stone lost, something I will share with you all when it happens! My lovely friend Sarah from The Fat Girl Fighting also pointed out that I don't have any more stone barriers to break in order to get to goal! Exciting times. I think I would be more excited if I didn't have so much going on in my life at the moment; and coping on 3 hours sleep a night isn't great!

Sorry about the poor quality photo I didn't realise the flash was on & got to excited to take another one!

Also moving into the 10's is my wardrobe. I've had a few size 10's for a while but I've never really believed that I'm a size 10 as there things like jumpers which are bigger fitting anyway. After being a size 22 for so long it's still hard to get my head around! Any way I wore this outfit out on Saturday night; including a size 10 top from TopShop and I think I look pretty good even if I do say so myself;)

In terms of my Where Are My Knees? 10 week pledge, I am now at 6.5lbs lost with 5 weeks to go till Christmas (Oh My God I need to start getting organised) So I a pretty confident I will get within reach of this!

Hope your are all having lovely weeks:)

Lots of love
Elle xx

If hunger isn't the problem; food isn't the solution.

After a really good week on plan, the weekend arrived with a night out and a load of drama and I thought I was going to have un-done all of my hard work. But I am pleased to say I lost 3lbs this week! Bringing my total lost to 5st 12.5lbs! And the exciting thing is I am now 11st exactly and the thought of being in the 10's and this close to goal is just the boost I needed!

I'm still surprised with all the stress and drama of the weekend that I didn't reach for the biscuit tin, I may have indulged in some galaxy - but hey that solves everything doesn't it? But I counted it into my daily calorie's and managed to stay in control! It just shows when you focus on something it does really work. "If hunger isn't the problem; food isn't the solution" Something I need to remember at the moment! I've always been such an emotional eater this is a testing time for me and I am proud of myself for getting through the weekend!

So the 10 week pledge from Where Are My Knees? is well under way with just 6 weeks till Christmas and I have lost 5.5lbs so am on target to achieve it! How exciting!

One thing I am MASSIVELY  struggling with at the moment is exercise. To be completely honest I haven't run in 2 weeks, and haven't been to spin classes for 10 days. I even missed my gym review last week. I don't know why but I just don't feel up to it at the moment, and because I've broken the routine I had gotten myself into it's hard to get back in. I know one reason I'm not going is because I'm so tired but then exercising will help that. Do you have any tips for easing myself back into a routine?

Lots of love

Elle
xx

My Fitness Pal & My Inner Fat Girl

This is going to be a bit of a catch up post due to my lack of blogging recently. I've been in bed by 9.30 most nights (rock and roll!)

Last week you'll have seen the post I'd written about needing a shake up in order to break this plateau I have been in for months. After researching a number of options I've gone for My Fitness Pal, which is basically a calorie counter.

Now I have never counted calories before so this is something that was going to be totally new to me. But that's what excited me. I need something new to get my teeth into in order to shake up the routine I had found myself in.

It is really simple to use, exactly like tracking on the Weight Watchers app, and the database is huge (there's nothing I haven't found on there yet!) So last week I had 6 out of 7 days on track. Due to PMT week I had a massive binge at the weekend, and didn't do any exercise last week. But at WI yesterday I stayed the same. With the goings on of last week I'm OK with this and hoping to have a loss this week.

The thing I like about MFP is that I am much more aware of what I am eating. I'd fallen into habits with weight watchers, and would eat the same thing day in day out, because it was easy & I knew the points value of it. Now with MFP I don;t know the calorie content of everything so it's made me think about what I' eating and how much of it. I feel that I'm eating a lot better, and not for the sake of it. Counting calories in fruit, veg & tea is something I am still getting me head around!

Now this binge at the weekend, I now I could have avoided it, I didn't really need it, but I justified it to myself. My excuses were: I"t's time of the month", I really do need this bag of minstrels (a family size bag) for the drive home..it's only an hour drive, I didn't really need them! "I worked through my lunch break at work" so could have eaten the fruit I had in my bag and made something when I got in, instead I bought a meal deal..and went for the crisps instead of the fruit. Sometime the inner fat girl in me just wins, despite having learnt how to cope with these binges, the person inside that made me over weight in the first place is still in there & sometimes it's just "easier" to revert back to old habit. I mean I could have satisfied my chocolate cravings with a small bag of minstrels, simple things like that which I have learnt over these last couple of years are so easy yet so difficult to put into practice sometimes.
Do you have any tips for staying on track when it's time of the month and all you want is chocolate?!

Exercise this week has also been really bad, I've been ridiculously tired from work and these cold & dark mornings really aren't enticing to get up and go to the gym. Any tips for keeping up the exercise in the winter months?

Where Are My Knees?  10 week pledge isn't going as well as I'd have hoped. I'd pledged to lose 10lbs by Christmas, which was 1lb a week. I've lost 2.5lbs since we started and we are now in week 3 so I'm only a little bit off target. Hoping for a good couple of weeks so I can get there! How are you all getting on with your pledges?

Lots of Love
Elle
xxx

In need of a shake up!

Plateau's are something that are never welcome on a weight loss journey, but something that is inevitable. I've been up and down around 11st 3lbs-11st 5lbs for the last 6 months...it's getting a bit tedious now! I know I'm losing inches so I'm seeing some changes but when the number on the scales isn't moving it's a bit disheartening. 

So recently I've been thinking of a few changes, quite big changes, changes that involve leaving Weight Watchers! It will always be the best thing I have done, and I wouldn't be where I am today without it, but I feel like it's time to change things up a bit & something that will break this plateau.

There are a couple of options I have explored that if any of you have any tips/advice/comments about I would love to know!

1. Myfitnesspal
On the likes of twitter and blogging I have seen some great reviews of this app in terms of it's easiness to track & count calories on what you are eating. The thing that draws me to this is that I've never counted calories before, and I think the change would be a good boost.
Although, the thing that is letting me down at the moment is my tracking, but I think that's something I just need to get my head as with any programme I am going to need to track!

2. Slimming World! (going to the dark side!)
Again recently I have been seeing some great results with Slimming World, and after reading up online it seems relatively easy. Like weight watchers it has the support of weekly groups. Another motivating factor is at the moment they have the offer of a 12 week countdown course & you get 2 weeks free. I think this could be a push that I would need to stay on track?

Do you have any other apps/classes that you think I should consider?

Lots of love
Elle 
xx

10 Week Pledge. Week 1 Update.

Just a quick catch up from me today.

For weigh in yesterday I was a bit dubious. I hadn't tracked a full day all week, and I'd only tracked half a day for about 3 days. I just wrote "I've been so busy with work" but then what is the point in making excuses? I'd only be cheating myself. I'm not saying I had a terrible week, I'd planned my meals and made wise food choices, I'd done a couple of spin classes & kept my water intake high.

I lost 2.5lbs!!

It was such the spur I needed. Goal realistically isn't that far away and I can do this. It's all about being positive and learning from setbacks. 

"Believe you can and you're half way there"

Lots of love

Elle

xx

Step away from the biscuit tin....

In order to achieve something we have to remove our selves from situations in which we are comfortable with and happy plodding along.

For those Weight Watcher members among us you'll remember a meeting topic a few weeks back about where we keep things around ourselves for example the kitchen; e.g the biscuit tin next to the kettle. (I my eyes exactly where it should be ;))

As you may or may not know I started my weight loss journey when I moved away to university, yup I know what you're thinking most people go away and live on pot noodles and fatty foods. Not me; well for the first 6 months I did then it all changed. I joined Weight Watchers. It's so strange I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was going to work in the afternoon and that morning I'd woken up and that thing "clicked" I knew I needed to do something & if I didn't do it today I never would. I knew the Weight Watchers plan worked & was probably the best for me as a student. So I researched classes close to where I worked and found one. As I was leaving for work I went into my housemates room & told her I'd be home late as I was going to join Weight Watchers. I don't think she really knows how much I was shitting it about telling her; and almost didn't! But from day 1 her & all my other friends have been unbelievable supportive. (Now she even gets in my "fat" clothes with me to see how far I've come!!)

Anyway I'm digressing from my point. Since being on Weight Watchers I've always been the one buying my food, cooking the way I want it etc etc. So when I go home I freak out completely. I'm no longer in control of what is in the cupboards (and usually lots of biscuits, cake etc etc). Now I'm not saying my mum shouldn't buy these when I'm at home because I should have enough will power to say no. But I don't. This is the place where I grew up, all those reasons for eating, usually emotionally happened here, and when I go home this all comes flooding back; and I eat. Now my mum is the most supportive person out there & always tells me how incredibly proud she is but why do I lose all of the tips & tricks I have learnt when I go home? Like mum will cook whatever I want, how I like it. But I always choose the fatty option; or I'll get her to cook something I usually would, but I won't weigh out anything and will have the same portion size as I used to.

This weekend at home really challenged me, I need to be so good at the moment with my struggle with the scales and my Where are my Knees 10 week pledge I can't afford there to sit and eat biscuits just because that's what I used to do at home. I'm not going to lie to you though, I did most days over indulge on biscuits & I feel so sluggish for it now. It doesn't help that I'm out of action for running due to tearing the ligaments in my foot. So frustrating.

I'm now back in Bristol in my little flat although there's no food in the fridge I will be planning my meals later and going shopping tomorrow for lots of nice healthy goodies.

Do you have any tips for living at home and saying no to the biscuits?

Lots of love
Elle
xxxx

Ten Week Pledge!

So today marks 10 weeks until Christmas, doesn't time fly?! It's crazy how much has changed since this time last year. 

Over at Where Are My Knees they've created the 10 week pledge. You can pledge to do what ever you like; something that is achievable and personal to you, whether it be weight loss related, eating related, exercise related etc. 

My Pledge

I'm pledging to lose 10lbs, that's only a 1lb a week and doesn't seem like a lot but recently I've really been struggling with the scales. There just up and down around the same couple of lbs, but I have been taking my measurement so I know I'm loosing inches but I want the scales to move!!! 

So today works out as a good day to start as I'm at home I'm going to  Weight Watchers this morning, so nothing like a fresh start on a Monday morning. 

I'm not too sure what the scales are going to say as I was having such a good week. Both exercise & food related. In my exercise post I mentioned how I was going to try aerobics and so I did. And loved it. But having my lack of coordination; which didn't matter as the class was all ladies, mainly older ones which was quite nice as I didn't feel like I was being judged. Any way I turned awkwardly on my foot didn't think I'd done any serious damage as although there was a niggling pain it wasn't anything excruciating, so as you do I went for a 3 mile run afterwards. Note: if you hurt yourself do not go running afterwards! 

An afternoon of shopping, followed by a 9 hour day & a spin class I was in crippling pain & close to tears and couldn't actually walk. So a trip to A & E and 4 hours later turns out I've torn the ligaments in my foot! Rest is how to make it better. Now I'm not one to sit there and do nothing (I used to be, but these days I just can't) So I went to work the following day, did an 11 hour shift followed by a 9 hour shift the day after and a night out for my best friends birthday; I did however wear flats as I thought going for heels was a step too far!

I will be doing more of this over the next couple of days. 

I'm now still in pain, when I hoped it would have been better so will be resting properly for the next couple of days. It's so frustrating not being able to exercise. I actually missed my 7am spin class this morning. Who am I & what happened to the old me?!! 

With yesterday's hangover day the scales will say what they want to. But yesterday I wore a size 10 jumper so I'm not too worried. It's a new week & a fresh start.

Are you going to make a 10 week pledge? 

Lots of love 
Elle 
xxxx

Bristol Half Marathon!

If you'd have told me 3 years ago I'd be writing a blog about my experiences of running a half marathon I'd quite frankly have laughed in your face! But here we are; yes I ran a blinking half marathon!!!

So it all started back in May when I was studying for my finals, struggling with a plateau and needing something to focus on other than theories of criminal psychology!! In a moment of insanity I ran downstairs (shocking pun I know!)& asked my equally insane housemates if they fancied running Bristol Half Marathon which was at that point about 6 months away...which seemed like a lifetime away..and they agreed! 

Now I still don't class myself as a "runner" when I signed up we were running a couple of times a week but only about 3 miles each; I'd done a 10k run for Cancer Research about a year before but that was it. Running 13.1 miles was going to take some serious commitment. I don't think we fully understood quite how far 13.1 miles is when we signed up to this! 

My first training run I think we tried about 4 miles; with a bit of walking but I honestly thought there was no way I was going to get around the half marathon route without dying. I kept getting stitches, couldn't breathe and generally looked like a beetroot! But we persevered and slowly  built up our times, distances & routes. Before I knew it we were running 10k (6 ish miles) with "ease". I say with ease as physically I knew I was capable and building myself up I had it in my legs & lungs. The hardest part to overcome was my mind. I never imagined running a half marathon would be a mental challenge as well as a physical one. I'd get to a point; usually around 5.5 miles, and tell myself I couldn't run any more, that I was too fat, that I wasn't a runner, that people are looking at me & thinking she can't run. So I'd stop. Just like that. This is where I have to thank my amazing friends Hannah & Sarah (the insane ones who agreed to run the half marathon with me) if we weren't running together we were texting, tweeting or face-booking to see how each others training was going and the competitive part of me knew I had to keep pushing myself as I didn't not only want to let myself down, but I didn't want to let them down! So thank you girls; you are amazing and will never know how thankful I am for you pushing me when you probably didn't even realise.

So fast forward a couple of months; I'm now in full swing of training; even when I could have stayed in bed cuddled up with my electric blanket I dragged my ass out of bed to pound the pavements. Running about 4 times a week usually 3 "shorter runs" of about 5-6 miles and one "long run" a week; these long runs are the ones where I gradually built up my distance. The feeling of getting back from a run & checking Map My Run to see how far I'd gone & how quickly was rather exciting; having to walk up three flights of stairs to my flat wasn't quite so! 

Sponsorship started to roll in; I ran for The Meningitis Research Foundation which is a charity rather close to my heart; with people giving money there really was no backing out now. With 4 weeks to go I went on holiday & even took my running gear with me (another thing if you'd told me 3 years ago I'd be running on holiday I again would have laughed in your face). I then started to get excited about running this half marathon; something that kept me going whilst out training apart from music like "Don't stop me now" was imagining that feeling of crossing the finish line, being able to tell people "I've run a half marathon" I couldn't wait for that! My friend Hannah and I had run some of the route to get a feel of how it was; not to hilly which is always good for running! I was raring to go!

Then disaster struck; I started to get a cold so dosed myself up on decongestants, you name it I took it. But nothing worked. With only a week to go to the half I needed to get better, I wasn't going to let a little cold come between me and crossing that finish line. A trip to the doctors later (it turns out I actually had a sinus & chest infection) and a course of anti-biotics later I was on the way to getting better....until I had an allergic reaction to the anti-biotics and thew my guts up for a couple of days! (sorry about the gory details). Another trip & another dose of anti-biotics I finally started to feel better (now just 4 days to go!!) My last long run before the Sunday didn't happen as I didn't want to push myself, I was now absolutely pooping my pants. I hadn't completed my training as I'd wanted to & didn't know what shape I'd be in to run!

Fast forward to Sunday; it was D-Day. I was SO EXCITED. I'd hardly slept with excitement, got up early had my breakfast of porridge, bananas and blueberries (power foods galore) and we were ready! Got down the the starting pens (it makes me laugh they call them pens; like we are all animals or something) then queued for ages at the portaloos, there was NO way I was stopping on the way round to empty my bladder! 

And we were off! We started off at a steady pace; I didn't want to run off to fast and it come back to hit me later on. By about mile 2 I needed a wee; I hadn't even drunk anything! I didn't stop and by about mile 5 the need to wee had passed! A quick stop at mile 6 to unstrap my toe and I was still feeling in really good shape; we hadn't stopped once and I started to think I could actually finish this! Stopping again quickly at mile 7 for my friend to re-strap her foot up and we were good to go again. 

The way the course was miles 1-8 were along the Portway which was quite far out of town (where most of the spectators were) so when we got down to mile 8 the atmosphere changed and it was incredible. So many people cheering you on & willing you to finish. At mile 9 we saw Hannah's mum & then my Dad which gave us such a spur. We were still running at a really good pace and I knew we'd definitely finish in under 2 hours 30, I was just hoping we could carry on at this pace to hopefully finish around 2 hours 20.  

Miles 10-11 were so physically & mentally challenging, I nearly cried, until we saw our friends screaming our names and I knew I could run the hill that was in-front of me. I wasn't sure whether everything over whelmed me there; the fact of how far I'd come, losing almost 6 stone, running 11 miles and was so close to finishing, something I could never have imagined or the fact my shins were in so much pain I didn't think I could finish. 

When the finishing line came into sight I think I broke into a slight smile, I tried a sprint finish and pushed my legs as much as I could. I had no idea what our time was but we did it. I'D FINISHED THE HALF MARATHON. Me & Hannah had a massive hug at the finish line and I welled up, if I'd seen any of my friends & family at that point I would have cried! Walking through the runners village collecting our t shirts & medals made all the pain worthwhile. 

The atmosphere was so incredible on the day, when people say the crowd keeps you going it really does. There's something so humbling and encouraging about complete strangers cheering you to keep running, telling you how well you've done and that you're nearly there. 

My official time came in at 2:19:41. I bloody done it in under 2 hours 20!! HELL YEAH!!!

If any of you are thinking that you'd like to start running, DO IT. It's not easy at first but build up your pace, distance and time slowly and you'll be amazed at what you can do. When I was almost 17 stone I'd have never thought I'd start running, let alone run a half marathon. I guess this makes me a runner?

Despite the pain the day after I've already signed up to my next half in March! 

A massive thank you to everyone for your good luck messages, those who have sponsored me and generally everyone who supported me!

Here are some photos from the day:

Anything is possible. 

p.s sorry for the long winded post;)


Lots of love
Elle
xxx

I'm also entering this blog post to a competition from over at Where Are My knees So thanks Chris! (http://www.moneysupermarket.com) 

Exercise.....

I'm not going to write this post preaching that I'm an exercise lover and can't wait to go to the gym and that you should all do it. Too be honest most of the time I hate going and it usually takes me a good half an hour to convince myself to go; but once I've gone I feel so much better! And running which I kind of enjoy has proven to be rather therapeutic so much to the point that I ran a half marathon! 

It's pretty common knowledge that exercise goes hand in hand with weight loss. Going to the gym takes a lot of balls when you're almost 17st like I once was; the fear of walking in to all these fit bodies in their Lycra outfits not sweating a bit. Yeah that's not what it's like at all but what I used to and still do sometimes think that's what it's going to be like! 

When you actually go in everyone is too caught up in their own workouts to care who has just walked through the door; unless like me you like to look for a bit of eye candy ;) 

The same can be said for exercise classes, walking through the door into a small studio full of all the keen beans at the front raring to go in their professional gear; the people at the back hiding so they don't have to see themselves in the mirror; which is exactly where you want to be; placed in the back corner so no body knows you're new and have no idea what you are doing but there's no where else to go apart from in the middle where everyone can see your ass wiggle! 

I've been going to spin recently; which as hideous as it sometime is; it's actually really fun (sort of!) and really good for you! I even go to 7am classes now which for someone who is absolutely in love with their bed is a major achievement (it may have something to do with the rather fit gym instructor!). I go by myself and all though I plucked up the courage to go, the first time I went I was terrified; I now even talk to people there every week & have the same bike like all the other "regulars"! I still want to go to something different though; maybe something like body pump or aerobics but I'm still a bit wary about going on my own. I've booked an aerobics class for Wednesday so hopefully I won't get hounded by the keen beans and I'll come out alive! A friend from work goes to the same gym about me so we are planning on organising some gym sessions together as a bit of motivation for each other. The good thing about going on your own I find is that it allows you some "me" time; time to think & reflect about where you are on your journey; how far you've come; or even what you're going to have for dinner like I regularly do ;) 

Do any of you have a gym buddy or prefer going by yourself? Or even have any tips for getting over the fear of going to classes by yourself?

Elle xx

Coming out of hibernation

Wow, I can't believe it's been 9 months since I've last blogged. I've always thought I need to get back into it as it keeps me on track in a weird way; even if no one reads this I think I've got people that I have to report back to & therefore I'm less likely to eat the bar of galaxy (like I have done tonight; although I did point it!) And after something potentially exciting that I was asked about tonight; I thought now was the time. As the saying goes "there's no time like the present". Plus I'd run out of galaxy ;) I wish I could say I've done something exciting in that time like have a baby (actually that wouldn't be exciting for me the thought of giving birth makes me want to cross my legs so tight it hurts!)

So this is going to be my touching base post with many more to follow over the foreseeable future.

I'm now officially a graduate with a 2:2 BA (hons) Psychology and Criminology. That doesn't mean I have any clue of the direction I'm going in with life. I'm at the 80lbs lost mark with Weight Watchers (will touch more on this later). I've just run the Bristol Half Marathon (again a later blog will cover this). Living as a "grown -up" with my housemate in Bristol, working full time. 

So with a new look & needing some new focus, I'm back blogging! Enjoy

Elle xx

Here's a recent photo update of my weightloss

*it's choice not chance that determines your destiny*

This is a marathon not a sprint!

First of all, apologies for not blogging last week, life got the better of me! Any way I'm back and in a lot more control!

My last post was about how the scales isn't everything and that week I failed to take my own advice but after some reassurance from my wonderful friends and family I picked myself up and busted my plateau with a 2.5lb loss last week. This week has been draining; emotionally and physically with work and uni and I've constantly been in a "munchy" mood I did however stay tracking everything and used most of my weeklies so wasn't expecting much at WI today. I was greeted with a 0.5lbs loss which I am happy with. After all it's all in the right direction, and being quite close to goal I can realistically expect big losses every week.

I have this week realised how important exercise is. I hate hate hate the gym, some days when I'm walking there I'm still talking myself out of it and how better off I would be in bed, but afterwards I feel SOOO much better and love it. How does that work?!! One thing I have developed a small liking for is circuits. I've been going for about 6 weeks every Monday (the trainer has even started calling us the regular crew!!) and I feel like I've really had a good workout afterwards. So I'm going to try and go on a Wednesday as well as this will me 2 great workouts plus my usual gym sessions. But I know I don't push myself as hard as the circuit trainers do! I'm rambling on about this here as it means it's out there and I kind of have to stick to the plan!

Today is pancake day!!! YIPEE! Now for the true fatty in me this gets me so excited! And I may over indulge a little bit, but I have every intention to point them and use my weeklies, and I am going to bootcamp and the gym before hand so I will feel like I've earnt them! What will you all be eating in yours?! My and the girls have bought the new chocolate philly to put in ours, I tried a spoonful of it earlier and OMG it is incredible!! 


I'm going to leave you all with these recent photo collages I've just done. 66lbs down:)

<3 xxxxxx

It's not all about the scales....

I'm writing this partly to get this message into my head, and for all of you who may be struggling with the scales as well. 

Since before Christmas I had been going up and down with the same 1 or 2lbs not being able to break my plateau, I managed to break this in the wrong way by putting on weight over Christmas. I lost that and then hit my plateau again! So annoying and disheartening, I'm fed up of having lost 4st 7lbs I want more! Ok I know I shouldn't be so inpatient but it's getting a little tedious now!

From the New Year I'd upped my exercise with classes and being more 

hardcore at the gym and remembering to take my measurements. And tonight I've sort of had a break through! In a month I've lost 12 inches, (most of them from my boobs :( boo hoo!) So I'm not giving up, and will try not cry tomorrow night when I stand on the scales and they haven't moved....

So the message is 

Don't give up. You can do this. 

I must keep telling myself this too!!

Lots of loveee xxxx

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

The title of this Kelly Clarkson song is my moto at the moment, remembering everything happens for a reason...

Weight Watchers wise I've hit a plateau AGAIN and I've stayed the same for the 2nd week running, which does not go down well. So I'm having an extra concerted effort this week to boost my weight loss again. On the plus side, weight watchers had a media event today, and my leader had asked me to go with her and be interviewed by the local paper about it. However, I was working. GUTTED!!

Today has been a bit of an emotional day for me, put shortly I got myself into a situation that wasn't good, and finally realising it's over is harder than I thought. Previously I would have turned to chocolate to deal with this, but with my new mindset I went to the gym and had a cracking workout and didn't turn to the chocolate! Winner!

I'm off to plan some meals for the rest of the week and go to bed so this shit day can be over!
Love to you all
xxxx

Looking at the bigger picture.

So this week at WI I was (still am) a bit upset with a stay the same, I know it's better than a gain and it is TOTM which I'm blaming seen as I'd tracked religiously, earned 31 exercise points and only used 11 weeklies I was set up for a good loss. Just hopefully it will show next week, just hoping that this doesn't make me lose the motivation I had.

I will however own up to missing Zumba tonight, but after one gym workout today and PMT well and truly here I just wanted to cwtch up on the sofa!

The thing with this journey is as my leader always says "this is a marathon not a sprint" and sometimes that is the difficult thing to get your head around. But looking at pictures like this one make it all worth while. I posted this on my facebook and got an overwhelming amount of comments and likes from a wide range of people that showed me that all these people are supporting you and are proud of you which is a great little confidence booster!
When you see yourself everyday you don't notice the changes that are happening to your body. However with my increased exercising I am noticing that I'm toning up a lot more, although my bingo wings need some serious work on them!!


xxxxx

Too much fruit and veg?

First things first this weeks weigh in and i lost 2lbs so that's a grand total of 61.5lbs so far! And 2012 is heading off to a good start with 2 losses, lets hope I can keep it up!

The question of my this post is something I've been asking my self a lot this week. With a lot of library sesh's due to the impending third year deadlines I've been packing my lunch box with celery sticks, carrot sticks, sugar snaps etc you get the gist of it. But I feel like I'm eating too much of it, if that's even possible? I'm packing my dinner's with veg as well and was just wondering if eating too much veg would have an impact on my weight loss?

Exercise has also taken a back seat this week, last week I managed to rack up 32 exercise point which I am pretty impressed with myself, so far this week I've earned 11 which from Tuesday I guess is not too bad but I haven't been to the gym for the last 2 days due to work/library and I just need to find my mojo to go again! Any tips will be greatly welcomed!

Hope you are all well if any one is reading this!

xxx

Oh my Goodness

Evening all!


Well WI was last night, but I was supposed to be revising (as I'm meant to be doing now as well!) that I didn't get round to blogging. I lost 5.5lbs! Yup I was just as shocked, so that's my Christmas fat gone and a little bit more which is a great way to start the year!

It sounds so stupid but going back to basics and tracking everything you eat really does make a difference. OK so I made a conscious effort not to eat my weeklies but that's only because I wanted a good loss to start of the year, but I know this week where I've got meals and nights out planned, as long as I track I should hopefully still get a loss!

Exercise is another thing I'm learning to build on our love hate relationship. I love it when I come back from the gym and feel really raring to go but I just hate getting up and going and when I'm there...unless it's Zumba and you just laugh for the whole hour. Any one have any tips on learning to love exercise? I'm loving the results that's for sure.. my legs are all ready feeling more toned after my 5 gym sessions this week!

Any way must dash as I have an exam tomorrow and I've already done everything possibly not to revise!

xxxx

p.s Check out Olly Murs song "oh my goodness" such a tune :)

Unofficial Weigh In

Evening all!

Well I've moved back to Bristol, stoked my fridge and cupboard full of all healthy goodness, meals planned for the week, and gym sessions planned!

I didn't make weigh in today but I stood on my scaled and they are normally the same as my meeting and it shows a 5lb gain over the festive period. Not as bad as last years 9lbs!! I think walking around London all weekend probably helped that a bit! Hoping to shift a large proportion of that this week ready for my first official weigh in after Christmas next Tuesday.

My first gym session back after Christmas hurt, a lot. I pushed myself, probably a bit more than I should have for my first session in 2 weeks, but hey "no pain no gain". I'm going again tomorrow morning before cracking on with my uni work; which yes is in for Friday and I'm only just starting it! That's one of my new years resolutions failed! At least I'm still blogging!

The new series of Biggest Loser is back tonight, I didn't watch the last one from the beginning but started about 3 weeks in and absolutely loved it! If you've never watched it before I'd highly recommend it: as it does give you a bit of motivation, if not some envy as to how quickly they lose the weight. Yess I know there in the gym for about 10 hours a day but still; because you don't see that I still have this idea in my head that they are losing 10lbs + a week just by the hour in the gym like I do! HA! We can all dream hey?!!

xxxxx